something

now what. just put something down. you might not even have to use punctuation enough talking to yourself already you always feel like writing but never know what to write well take the plug out of your head and watch everything drip on to the paper. do you remember in new paltz when you used to get bloody noses out of nowhere? maybe it was the altitude, it definitely wasn't the coke because there was no coke. maybe sunday there will be some aderol. how do you spell that? what does it matter. what does anything matter. why do i have to write that in everything i write. anyways, do you remember the first bloody nose? it was you hovering over a chair looking at your monitor. that old computer you brought with you to school that just broke out of nowhere the way things just break sometimes. that old computer you probably have some pictures of tits on there still floating around in the great nothing that files go to when they're deleted. all just compressed ones and zeros floating out nowhere they don't exist anymore. well this was in new paltz, you were leaning over a chair and blood just started coming out of your nose and landing on the chair. that's not your chair, jeremy. that chair belongs to SUNY New Paltz. just some blood. a little blood won't kill anyone. well what i meant by talking about that blood was how it just dripped right out. you didn't even have to think about it. all you had to do was be in the right place at the right time. the planets were aligned. the trees outside had all their leaves in exactly the right position, every fish in every ocean was where it needed to be the stars were unseen behind the sunny sky but they were dialed in to what was happening and then a small little something opened up inside my nose and blood come out. not a stream, just a little bit. it was scary. you never did find out why or whatfor and that was a good introduction to the rest of your days. never really finding out anything. just making guesses. just looking at the stars and making up your own goddamn constellations because nothing they said ever really looked like what it was supposed to. the only thing you know how to point out is orion. well, good for you. the big dipper is up there somewhere. i know how hard the stars are to see, i'm you. the little dipper, who knows. i look up there i only see little dippers. 40 or so little dippers just banging around in the sky looking for a star to be part of the handle or part of the dipper.
so put something down on something. put some dots down on a piece of paper, bleed out your nose. someone will look at it and call it something. someone will say 'oh that sort of looks like a dipper. ooh there's another one that's even bigger. this will be the big dipper and the other one, that will be the little dipper. these will be the most popular things because the big dipper is so noticeable and it has a little brother somewhere. who knows where, the moon is too bright tonight'
this is just a little terrible something i will not apologize for. throw this bottle away there will be another floating along shortly with maybe something more consequential inside.
but don't hold your breath.