hot oil

one day there's a place you walked into every day for as long as you can remember and the next the locks are changed and you're out in the cold no matter the season

there wasn't a cake, there wasn't a party, nobody went out for drinks after.
the sun went down on something and rose on something else and it's a big deal to only one person and that's you

so you talk to a friend and tell them what happened and they care because something you think is bad is happening to you but in all honesty they saw it coming and had the good sense to warn you but the decency to let you make your own stupid decisions.

and you're there stranded with all your excuses wondering where the tragedy went. you're begging for pity on your knees at the gates of a kingdom you swore would welcome you and they're about to pour hot oil out on you and your starving troops

and it pours
and it's not hot oil
it's cold water
and you screamed because it's not what you expected

and if you're lucky it keeps coming
and that gargoyle grimace you've been sporting for some time now beings to slacken 
you're being washed
your clothes melt away
the sand hits the floor 
then some hair
then a bit of skin and blood
then your bones turn to smoke and you're still exactly where you are
without a body

first a body then a cloud of dust then smoke then nothing
ages pass
and then like nothing
like this was all nothing
you're given another chance

you open your eyes and turn around expecting 
an army of undead hellbent on your destruction
but it's gone

it's a field of flowers under a yellow sun

and now everywhere you go is a paradise. 
a raisin floods your jaw with electricity
and you're finally allowed to be happy
you breathe through your nose and almost laugh out loud

there's motion behind the doors
the gates part and you're welcomed
and somehow there's hope
and you feel deeply 
that as bad as it was 
is as good as it's going to be