winter

Everything about winter is horrendous. It's the season of making do and struggling and looking forward to shiny sparkling bullshit to keep you from wanting to die. Feasts designed just to get people to summon the will to nourish themselves during this annual ritual of pain and sorrow. That's why commercials for seasonal bullshit were so fetishy- or why people are always walking in from the cold.
Think about how many times you've been watching a commercial or a movie and there's a scene of someone walking in from the cold and the idea is This bastard has been through hell or This bitch needs everyone in the room to get up and get her warm again.
sidenote: i know the word bitch isn't cool but i thought if i used bastard in the same sentence i'd come off as a misaligned egalitarian rather than just some douchebag but if douchebag be the charge a douchebag i may well be.
ok so what else about winter can get fucked:
i'll tell ya what else
everything else.

shoveling?
trying not to slip?
worrying about all those assholes in cars and bikes cheating death?
waiting for your car to warm up?
losing hats and gloves in public places?

let me tell you as someone who works somewhere that has disposable rubber gloves around and also deals with a lot of lost gloves that there is something about taking off a glove that your brain has evolved to ignore. sorry, that shit just wasn't worth writing down. if you're not thinking about where the glove is going to go when it is off your hand while you are taking the glove off then you are going to lose that glove. Gloves love being left around. What man has yoked together the lord of winter shall surely break apart. Yknow why that happens? because we're not designed to wear gloves.

hands do everything. human beings as a flesh machine are in love with their hands. they do everything. when someone is missing a hand or two it fucks me up, because how do they do anything? i mean i know how they do things, but i don't wanna know. does someone else wipe their ass? and ultimately it gets to the question that everyone is asking one way or another- how are they going to survive the apocalypse.

but anyway- gloves only make the hand less functional. warmer, sure, but let's be honest gloves won't make your hands warmer they'll only keep them from getting colder. plus you won't be able to use your phone. or write with a pen. or get stuff from your wallet. and by the way if gloves make your hands warmer or if you are some idiot savant who can make sushi with common cotton gloves on well congratifuckinglations pal but let me tell you while you're slicing tuna and rolling out nori everyone around is wondering to eachother why this asshole doesn't just take his gloves off.

and i'm sorry for the fucking cursing i know it makes everything juvenile and crude but i think i need to come to terms with the idea that most of what i do would not be welcome behavior in the white house, and i believe my writing should reflect that. aldous huxley was right- all i wanna do is do drugs and watch television. i think he might be a little more charmed to see how it's all worked out and i think he'd be excited to see america refuses to let technology intimidate them, but he was right. it's all about drugs and tv.

we don't use our phones to call people, but we'll use them for everything else. anything else. i mean you pay like $100/mo or some shit might as well let it suck you away from having to look someone whose name you do not know in the eye for more than a moment.

who is the big brother of a brave new world? seemingly it is no one. there is no central antagonist. it is a dictatorship of not one man, but one class- operating out of fear of pain from above, but revolt from below. big brother is not watching you. we are all watching each other and they are watching us watch each other. but again, i think it's a little more charming than it sounds. we send each other little hearts when our friends or strangers post pictures that we like. Almost any positive reaction will translate into someone you know or don't know getting acknowledgment or encouragement to do that thing which they just did again. They like you or they ignore you. That's a line in the settlement.

Civilized society as a whole has agreed to this: I will say something nice or I will not say anything at all. That being said when I'm in a situation where I'm forced to talk I reserve my right to say as little as possible. Also, if you're not letting me ignore you I will ignore you to the point where the violence I use against you will be legally sanctioned. Don't worry, I can ignore a lot. Don't underestimate my ability to put something out of my mind. I'm not a complaliner really, and if there's nothing to be done about something I'd rather not go on about it. Like a cowboy.

Sure technology has infiltrated every facet of our lives. Even my most not down to earth head in the clouds hippie dippie let's sit in a field with our pussies on the grass friends still have iphones. Tell me that's not a fly in your organic soup.

so turn it off. oh you brave soul, you fucking kid from into the wild burning money renouncing the world and committing environmental suicide. oh you're not on facebook anymore? well pardon me as i fall over myself getting your real actual phone number before you fall out of my life entirely. Listen, I'm speaking to you directly now- BELIEVE ME. I WILL LOSE TOUCH WITH YOU IF WHAT IT TAKES TO GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU IS ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT I AM IN THE HABIT OF DOING. I AM NO LONGER COMMITTING TO THE MAINTENANCE OF RELATIONSHIPS FOR THE SAKE OF NOSTALGIA. That being said, I'm always down to reconnect if I think the people we are now have something in common with the people we were then. I'd like to think that happens a lot. But let's face it, I wish some of you mother fuckers never found me. I don't want you dead, but let's face it. You and I never really saw eye to eye on things. I may have flubbed my lines on occasion, but I was right about everything. Coworker. High school whoever. Friend of a friend.

go shovel your fucking driveway. it'll give you a reason to walk into the cold and have your ugly Target brand wife bring you a hot beverage that's not tea or coffee in an ugly oversized mug.