that last one was a little corny

i mean it rhymes, what am i mother goose?
whatever man

let's talk about this past friday.
it was a little heartbreaking.

friday, not saturday. saturday was fine.

friday i was supposed to see my friend from california but couldn't get her out of the house for reasons that were beyond our control as much as anything like that can be beyond one's control which is in fact not beyond their control but still beyond their control.

i just ate two of her cookies and i still have bits of them in the sockets where my wisdom teeth are going to be.

fuck.

saturday i was at a bar with the girl i've been hanging out with and two of my exes. one of them is cool. the other is cool too, just very far. and that is a distance i put there and i did extend an olive branch by way of facebook message the next day (lame) to no avail. that's fine. i'll take that. that is life. the face of the world changes with an earthquake and two neighboring townships stare eachother down from across a gorge with bridges dangling like untied shoelaces from their cliffs never to be repaired.

what really bothered me about friday was going back to a party people started bailing on because i couldn't produce the guest of honor. my parties aren't really parties anyway. they're more like gettogethers. soirees. mixers? i have fun and that's what matters, but my cup is small and fills easily.

the face of the world is still changing. an earthquake took my friend from farmingville to berkeley. there was the hope she would be around for a night to be happy with people she calls or called friends and that was taken from us. it was an outrage. it is an outrage still.

are you listening you incorporeal son of a bitch? i am shaking you by your white gown and showing you my teeth. i am angry with you. you are not my god. you are a charlatan. i have moved on to a land without you where there is no cruelty only chaos. i have been here for years but i still feel your presence swapping chess pieces replacing my knights with pawns and moving my king out in the open and i am now playing my part in your death by ignoring you.

it could be worse.

write that on my cardboard headstone and toss me into the ocean for the fishes to eat or to be swallowed by a great whale.

sometimes, this is too much.