an apology to myself

i am sorry
whatever is flowing out of me right now needs to never stop
and i need to make myself a conduit for whatever needs to get out
to show people what i think should be seen
the selective presentation of realities that i create

for what?

i don't know

don't ask for what and don't ask why

you just do what you do and you need to keep doing it
the [something] doesn't know he's a [something]

and i do not know i am a writer

i've spit so many cliches onto this thing i can't count
but they were something nice to me
they were a sentiment i wished to share with the few that are known to peruse these messages which i throw into bottles to be cast into the sea never to be read

and that's ok

because i am still me and i don't need gold stars or pats on the back

but maybe you come out of here thinking about something differently
maybe i turn your kaleidoscope eyes and you see reality a little differently now than anyone else does and you don't wonder how the kaleidoscope will get back to where it was you just watch it change and it washes over you

i am sorry
will i be what i must be tomorrow? the next day?
good chance i won't
sorry team

but there is only one way to get where i am going and i am walking that way and the distractions are the attractions