feelings dump

i'm sad

i've made you so angry

and i barely know why

and you told me why

and i can't tell you why

i just say how ok things are going to be

after this

and you are upset

and are tired of telling me why you are upset

more than tired

exasperated

and i'm so scared i'm going to lose you

and i've already lost you

and i can't tell if i've lost you to me

or to yourself

but either way you're coming to get the rest of your stuff

and i called you and wanted only to hear your voice

to tell you that i loved you

and instead told you how scared i was

and you told me i was right to be

because i don't know why you're upset

i thought i'd get a little hope from hearing your voice

i didnt

your mind is already made up

about how i don't listen

and i feel li-

wait

it doesn't matter

my fear 

because it's over

it's just one more over thing

and i tried to make myself cry and almost did

but couldn't

i put on the saddest song

with more poetry than i could muster

a leonard cohen song 

well i came close

but what do i know?

no literally

what do i know?

do i know things will be ok and we will be back

or do i know that the first part is true regardless of the second

well i do know that

things will be ok

fuck 

they are going to be so ok

it will make everything seem so small

someday

and new love will heal old wounds

someday

and my capacity for love is not diminished by its loss

it grows

sooner than i think

i'll be so much better than i am now

look

check it out

i didn't even cry

i barely feel anything