it's 1890 again (write a message in a bottle)

is that a skirt on the legs of your synthesizer?

i watched knocked up and juno and all those movies with credits with the freaks and geeks font and they said alot of curse words but at the end i thought 'holy shit i think i just got preached to'

we can have our dick and ball jokes as long as we don't get abortions.

it's like when a nice old man stops and talks to you but he reaches into his pocket and gets a tract of some sort and wants you to think about the rest of my life and what happens to me when i die.

we can curse and post whatever inane shit we would ever want to post on the internet but the house always wins.

does anybody here know about the BOOMER from left 4 dead? well it's an enemy from a video game. it's a zombie that is fat and if you shoot it and its guts get on you you get swarmed by zombies. if it gets close it will puke on you and that will attract zombies. they do this because it's a video game and they need to do something to make them worth shooting besides just blowing up. but get ready because here comes a metaphor: that's how i feel about all the church going christians i know and will ever meet. they are waiting to puke on me because i am not like them. they are waiting for me to curse or fuck up or do something wrong and then they get to puke on me and i get swarmed with other zombies who will beat me to death.

i guess maybe i asked for it.

i used to want to write. i wanted to write something that would make people think. well the thinkers already think and the non-thinkers... well they're just that. i bet somewhere else there's a 29 year old dude thinking about how he wants to write something to make people believe in god and he wants to make nonbelievers into believers.

it's not like i've given up on writing or literature, i just don't see the point anymore.

everyone's just DYING to hit the reset button. we're all itching for the big one to drop and we all get to start over, just like that last thing i wrote. why are we so obsessed with disasters? why 2012? armageddon? deep impact? dawn of the dead? the road? what is this obsession with post-apocalyptia?

we're all terrified because we don't know when or how it will happen so we need to watch how it might look and how it might happen and someone always survives and it's usually the person we identify with most.

i have an idea. it's because we know armageddon isn't coming so we put it on the silver screen. we eat because there are things our body needs that it cannot create. and like our bodies consume what they cannot create our minds must also.

we create fiction out of preexisting facts and ideas like we're baking cakes. cakes is good because that's as far as you can get from the things you started out with- wheat, butter, eggs, milk, sugar, etc. there you go you have a cake you baby.

where was i...

ok, here's a sad story: every movie you've ever seen, every book you've ever read, it's been a cake. it didn't grow out of the ground or get plucked off a tree, the ingredients were carefully measured and it was baked very carefully to make sure it's everything you want it to be. they even make cakes that taste bad, and people go apeshit for them.

cake serves two purposes: it tastes good and it fills your belly. unfortunately it's not that good for you.

well all i see is cake everywhere i look. i see cakes made out of animals and cakes made out of the suffering of different peoples and i see cakes made out of sugar and spice and i see cakes made for pre-teens and cakes made for divorcees and cakes made for the aspiring hegemonist and cakes made for me.

i see nutritious cakes and think 'is this the best we can do' and i know before i ask yes it is.

and it's ok that they're bad for you, because we're all just begging to die. we're all just aching to get a major role in the human drama.

you want more about the cakes that taste bad?
well they make cakes that taste like vegetables only better.

whatever. i just give up. i just give right on up.

we've passed on every opportunity to make anything better. we fix problems in ways that create more problems. we leave our children only a broken legacy of debt and error. my kids will buy ipods that will start their cars for $500 that will last three months and they will not complain.

i'm dante without virgil. i see ghosts and shades and hell. throw me in the lethe river i wish to forget.

hey... i do alot of "everyone this... and everyone that" in this. sorry. it's a bad habit. i'm not trying to be judgmental. i don't hate people. there's redeeming qualities in everyone despite their best efforts. i can like almost anyone on an individual level. it's the what happens when they get together and start making decisions that affect people that aren't them is when i take the safety off my pistol.

for that i am not sorry. one man could never kill as many as many men.

capitalism failed in the great depression
science failed when we dropped the bomb
art failed when we stopped trying to better the world and started imitating our heroes

and i don't mean better the world like building hospitals. (but that's a step)

i mean making people's lives better. create something beautiful that someone can appreciate. do SOMETHING to let someone else know they're not alone. lay down with a pretty girl or a handsome man and let them know and let yourself know that you need to interact with people to experience some of the greater pleasures in life.

write a message in a bottle and throw it in the ocean and don't care who reads it or whose life it changes, but know the odds that it just might are far less than the odds it will not.

spray paint the lambda character somewhere, drop some medkits and ammo, and let gordon freeman know he's headed in the right direction. (this is a video game reference)

i'm glad i make video game references. it's very populist. i'll understand if you don't get it or appreciate it but i base my success as a writer on how well i believe i've made my point not how well you understand or how much you agree with my point. and besides, if you're really confused, you could just email me.