stink

there is a stink in my skin i will never wash off
if i scrub too hard
it washes away pieces of me along with it

so i don't

some people turn away
some bury their nose in me
and my life is mostly managing that peculiar ratio

killing children

is it ok to kill a kid?
no?
but what if their parents look like assholes?
and the kid looks like an asshole?
what about that kid?
what about retarded kids?
rich kids?
poor kids?
kids with messed up teeth?
kids that are mean to other kids?
kids who let other kids pick on them?
what about a kid with some crazy disease like progeria or asthma?
what if you don't really mean it?
would anyone notice?
if we do it by the tree that fell in the forest without anyone listening that did or didn't make a sound?
will it really tear a hole in the fabric of society?
what about a boy with short unwashed hair?
or a boy who cries too much?
what if it doesn't hurt?
and so what if it does?

hot in high school

i've been looking at pictures of girls who were hot in high school
and seeing how not hot they have gotten
or how they've had a kid or gotten married

i've been looking at pictures of girls who weren't hot in high school
and seeing how not hot they have stayed
or how they've had a kid or gotten married

and i wonder what it's like to be a woman
and watch my face twist and limbs grow fatter
as a small child whose father i know or don't know or both climbs all over me
spilling apple juice and saying their first words
taking their first steps and cracking their head on the coffee table

i wonder if i will stop being young
thinking about doing drugs
playing in bands
requesting off for parties
or whatever it is

hot high school girls
they peak early
and are led into pregnancy or marriage before the chance to ruin themselves in a funner way

i was not hot in high school
and i have stayed unpregnant and unwed
and there are mistakes i have yet to make
that make my cock swell with enthusiasm
the way those pictures could never

sleeping

time spent thinking about sleeping is worth less than time spent sleeping
goodnight
i am going to spend my time more wisely