We used to play a game where he would pretend to be a cat when we were kids. He turned the computer into some weird screen that ran linux and i couldn't play games on it. There was always a computer in my life. I watched the internet grow up. I used a modem to call a friend to play DOOM with. I used a modem to connect to the internet to download pornography. I put naked pictures of girls on a disk that I brought home to watch with a program called cshow. the pictures were zipped to a file named Group-17. my brother called me out about it and i was afraid he was gonna tell my dad about it. i spent a large portion of my life hoping my dad would not find things out about me to avoid his disapproval. that shit means a lot to kids. but i get the last laugh because he thinks he's gonna live forever in a world without his sinner kids. he's still remarkably chummy despite it all. my relationship with him has improved since i got older but thats what happens, for the most part. sorry if you still hate your old man and hold everything against him. its easy. its especially easy if youre right. yknow, like if your dad hit you for dumb shit. i never got hit for dumb shit, or really hit at all. he did not spare the rod but he never like beat the shit out of me. some kids have dads who got off on beating the shit out of them. in that case, you are right about hating him. the fucker. but at the end of the day he was just some poor schmuck trying to get along. i don't care if he was a meter maid a garbageman or a king crab fisherman he was just some poor schmuck trying to get along. he deserves nothing but your pity. you can love him because you will gain something by learning to love someone who may not deserve it. so much stupidity is mistaken for evil.
the world is not a cruel place helmed by the devil. fate is not vengeful. fate is a bull in a china shop. it is the culmination of all our desires. its like watching low pressure centers on the weather channel. sometimes you're flush sometimes you're bust. the only noble act is love and one day your ability to love will sit in the driveway under a blue tarp like your dad's boat. look at that thing. he thought he was gonna take it out on the water, fix it up, feel the wind in his hair or on his head, finally be the captain of something, anything, make you and your siblings laugh like dummies. he was gonna do all that but instead he let it rot or sold it for college money.
fathers are precious because they are bizarre
