12\23

ok numerologists tell me more about this:

So, today is 12\23. Here's a bunch of times this number has appeared in my life.

I worked at a movie theater through a connection I had with an ex-girlfriend when I was just out of high school. I got sort of a hookup through her manager and was able to be on board from the day it opened. I worked at this movie theater for 8 years.

It opened on 12\23

There I met one of closest friends, Jim. I wound up living with Jim for 4 or 5 years, once in a house in East Setauket (CABIN CREW THIS ONES FOR YOU) and again in a 2nd floor apartment in my parents' house.

He has a tattoo with the date 12/23 on his wrist.

He got me into the band Poison the Well. This was a band I was into pretty hard because metalcore was my thing and they were one of the first bands to play that sappy emotional hardcore that kids love so much. Some other ex-girlfriend was way into them too. (L1) She was the first girl I ever felt really in love with and the idiot things I did for her out of desperation for affection had a perfect accompaniment when infused with The Opposite of December (still a pretty solid album despite whatever terrible things it may have inspired.) In fact Jim, L1, and me all went to Hellfest together where PTW played.

They have a song called 12/23/93.

Today, in honor of Jim's tattoo and the absence that makes the heart grow fonder I texted him wishing him a happy 12/23.

I watch Pawn Stars on Netflix. I think I've seen every episode from the beginning to episode like 70 or something. We can talk about that later if you want. On the episode I watched today some dude brought in evidence for the trial of the lindbergh baby. blablabla... he had some nails, some letters, some evidence...

Written on one of the pieces of evidence was the date 12/23/36.

Jim borrowed (and accidentally kept) the book "The Plot Against America" by Philip Roth. This book is historical fiction centering around what might have happened if Lindbergh ran for president and won. So there's 12/23 next to my newly promoted favorite number, 36, on Lindbergh based evidence, right after I text Jim wishing him a happy 12/23rd.

I decided 36 could be my favorite number recently based on the following evidences:

It kept popping up one night at work when I was balancing cash drawers.

It was tattooed on me years ago at random by the tattoo artist Jim introduced me to (Eric @ Devil's Rose). The dice on the bottom of my monopoly tattoo are 3 and 6. Why 36? who knows, didn't ask for it, just wanted a monopoly tattoo.

Of course, the 36 Chambers Wu Tang album.

There's a part in The Cruise (Timothy "Speed" Levitch documentary) where he talks about the vavniks from the kaballah. It was a part that really spoke to me because I have bizarre delusions of grandeur most people mistake for confidence and style (or vice versa) and in general at work I always try to be a Lamed Vavnik in the sense that I like to try to make work better for people even if I'm not receiving credit for it and even if it seems like I'm doing something weird. (like the other day when a lady came in with a story about how she got gamed by a kid who recently abandoned his job and i actually believed her and gave her her money back without a police report and an investigation). Anyway, there are 36 Lamed Vavniks.

Also, my area code changed to 631 when I was a teenager, but whatever about that.

After all this I go on facebook to see whose birthday might be today because I know I know a lot of people with December birthdays.

One birthday (no it's not Jim's). Today's the birthday of my girlfriend Emily's ex-boyfriend. They dated for like forever back when me and Emily didn't know each other as anything but coworkers. And now I live with and have kids (cats) with her.

I also grew up in a house numbered 23. (i can't remember when we moved, but if was 17 when we moved I would like to add that 1+2+2+3+3+6=17)

so that's all. thought it was worth mentioning.

just between me and you

there are secrets inside of people

secrets they are afraid might swim from their belly to their eyes

and you'll see it and know they are hiding something

so i guess just assume everyone is hiding something

just assume everyone is relieved to see you accept them

even though they think about suicide or murder

or feel good about doing something horrendous

or regret something innocent

just assume everyone is the worst person in the world

putting on a show

assume everyone you'll see today knows they're just a bag of meat and bones roaming aimlessly

having absurd fantasies about absurd luxuries

pursuing dreams that aren't theirs for reasons unknown

achieving goals measured in bizarre currency
being rewarded with irrelevant debris

assume all of this

and forgive them

constantly forgive them

or you become them

fake names on facebook

what are you like some fucking dude who's gonna get in trouble for having his real name on there
could you get fired
are you gonna fuck with me and laugh about how i don't know your real name and you know mine
what the fuck man
this was a community
your fake name isn't even funny
fuck

i've rolled my eyes at negativity
i've had my sympathies exploited
i've called on resources of kindness and longsuffering i didn't even know i had to let youth stretch it's legs over the tender exposed nerves of my patience

i taught your kid how to ride a bike so he could ride to my house and break my mailbox
i asked for a bowl of rice and got a bowl of shit

we carry on

The air is cold the wind is still

there's ice on every windowsill

the dogs won't lie down in the grass

it's early but the sun has passed

the men come in and hap'ly say

"I think I saw the sun today"

But in their hearts a weight of stones

and subtle poison in their bones

has started spreading to the skin

slow stretching out their tempers thin

Their blood is thin their breath is frost

and as the sun sets hope is lost.

Like children tuging arms and sleeves

we beg and plead for soft reprieve

the air is cold and hopes are low,

deep buried in the fallen snow

beneath the ice beneath the ground

beside the worms where dead sleep sound

But soon the sun shall shine upon

the places where all hope had gone

and knowing that it won't be long

we carry on
we carry on.